a bit out of sorts....
Today is Friday and surgery ( right side mastectomy for prevention ) is in four days. I’m a bit melancholy this time leading up to the "down" time. I want my life to move forward and don’t welcome yet another period of "rest" and recovery. As before with the left side mastectomy, I will not be able to lift anything more than 5 lbs for 8 weeks. I won’t be able to lift my right arm any higher than my chest for a while either so I don’t know when I can paint. I’m not really complaining, things could be sooooo much worse, but I’m just tired. Somehow my "happy" countenance is missing and I find myself being a bit irritable and wanting desperately to control things. I’m assuming all this is natural for one going through multiple surgeries––God is near and I wait at his feet but I don’t feel his arms around me and that warm comfort.
Another factor in my "out of sorts" condition is pain. A week ago Kenn and I did some yard work on two occasions. I didn’t do anything more than pull some weeds, pull some vines off a flower bed and bag pruning cuttings. Because I have not felt any pain in my rib surgery areas for quite a while I didn’t think of this activity as being harmful. Boy was I wrong! On Sunday last week I began feeling the pain. It was only in the areas of my rib surgery where two tumors were removed along with four ribs which were replaced with synthetic materials. I guess the muscles in those areas and the muscle moved from my back to the front chest wall were not happy with the new activities forced on them. They have made their displeasure heard loud and clear! All week I haven’t been able to walk the dogs, lift heavy dishes, turn over to either side while lying in bed, etc, without very sharp and intense pain. This causes concern because I will be having surgery to remove the breast and place a tissue expander right on top of where the worst pain is. Yesterday the pain did lessen somewhat and I’m hoping that by Tuesday, surgery day, I’ll be feeling less pain there. Anyway, after surgery I will have good pain meds to take it all away!
I don’t like making negative posts but this is part of the journey and I’m convinced that sharing deep feelings can help others going through similar events. It is good to know that we are not the only ones who deal with negative emotions. God bless you going through all your own journeys.
I’d appreciate your prayers for our upcoming week. Kenn will be very busy taking care of me and the dogs on his own and other responsibilities. I’d appreciate prayers for a quick and easy recovery. Thanks to all for your prayers this last year, you all mean the world to me and to Kenn.