My emotional state has been one of exuberance since the news that my
"bad news" was incorrect. I'm happy that my first bone biopsy did not
show cancer, but curiously I'm not as joyous. I miss that zone of being
so close to God's care and love that joy just flows through my whole
being. I wonder if we have to be at the depths of our fear, anguish,
sorrow, or need to experience the closeness that comes with drawing near
to Him every moment of the day. We don't normally allow ourselves to be
so possessed by seeking his face ever before us. I've missed that
closeness these last two days. Are we destined to be spiritual
adulterers most of our lives? If so then I welcome the darkest days.
Only then do I see the brightest light from his face. That is a most
unfortunate state of being human.
Tomorrow we may hear the results of the second bone biopsy, praying that it too will not be cancer. I have a PET scan scheduled. In the morning I'm to drink a horrible looking thick mixture of barium, citrus flavored. Then later at 2:00 I'll lie in a scanning chamber for 2 to 3 hours. I'm to wear something loose, warm and containing no metal–––sounds like my flannel drawstring pants will be just right. I think this test is to examine the rest of my body and organs to see if there is any cancer ( the breast cancer ) anywhere else. After ruling out bone or other cancer sites then we will be able to determine the best treatment for the breast cancer.
All these many tests/procedures on this one person's body has already amounted to $24,000. in one month. And that is before any surgery or treatments! It just blows my mind! God is providing the ability to move forward with all these tests but continued prayer is needed. I've heard that my new insurance policy's company ( start date March 1, 2012 ) is doing their thing and investigating my case for pre-existing conditions. I'm sure that is quite normal practice but is still a bit unsettling. Now who would be so stupid to have a policy for two years like I did, know that I had a medical condition, and then drop companies and switch, endangering their coverage? Not me!!!