letting go feels good....
Yes, letting go as in GARAGE SALE! Kenn and I just completed a two day garage/estate sale and God brought the people. We were amazed at how many people were believers. I gave away many Bibles, spiritual study books and Christian themed illustrations ( wouldn't think of selling but giving ). I loved giving away small illustrations that had been published in Mission's magazines for children for the Baptist Home Mission Board. I've been keeping all these for who knows what, and made many little children happy with some original art. I loved the little guy who wanted the picture of a family gathered around their dining room table reading the Bible. I asked him if he knew what they were doing. He said yes they are reading the Bible, "I love reading the Bible". It blessed my heart.

Wow, what a successful sale it was! We made enough to support us for a month during our time without income.We have been so blessed and learned so much during this month of moving and time of need. We will be much more ready to help and serve people in the future. So many folks have given of themselves physically, financially, prayerfully and just moral support and encouragement. We have Tom as our daily angel. He would be embarrassed to know that I am even sharing about him but I just have to. He is 80 and has been by our side for more than two weeks almost daily. His van has taken loads of stuff to Marietta and our Tucker storage unit more times than I can count. He and Kenn have loaded the things and Tom wears Kenn out! I think he runs on High Test Holy Spirit. I know he has the gift of service, there is no doubt about that.

So now we have until the end of the day on Wednesday, October 31 to have all things out of the rental house and much work is left to be done. A combination of moving some things to storage still to be sold or kept, and moving things to the end of the drive for trash pick up will keep us busy tomorrow. Then we will have the rest taken or picked up by non-profit org. and the rest to the dump. We may have to hire some junk removal service to do the final haul. We will be sooooo glad to be done. We are so physically tired and need a rest.

Due to some set back, I didn't get my review request for Humana sent out until Thursday evening. If I'm granted an expedited review I may hear something about my appeal on Monday or Tuesday. If not it will take 45 days to know if Humana will cover the upcoming rib surgery. I'll let you know as soon as I hear something, Thank you all for your prayers in this matter.

Going now to just lay back and take a breather. Later......

it's awful.....
It is truly awful that I have not posted in so long! After the awesome fund raiser at Rocco's I had been without internet for over a week, had doctor's appointments every day for a week and trying to move at the same time. I've been getting comments about what is going on with insurance appeals and how I am doing and such and thought I'd better grab a minute and update.

First of all I want to thank you all for your continued support both through your prayers and financial support. The fund raiser on the 13th was a huge success and we received a good amount toward our living expenses and doctor bills. We have also been receiving donations through our YouCaring.com site and many of you have contributed anonymously. So I thank you all so much! God is really providing through his people. A special thanks goes out to Debbie, Marie and Stan and many others for the time and devotion they put into the Rocco event. Bless you!

The move is going day by day. We have been at the Marietta location now for almost two weeks but have so much more to move out of the Tucker place before the end of October. Everyday it is back and forth, I've never seen our gas tank empty so fast! We have too much stuff to sort through with a cleaning business and my art studio added to all the personal things. What an ordeal it has been in the midst of the medical issues. I have not been able to lift so I have been little help with physically moving things. We have had much help with the move as well and couldn't do this without you!

After my first appeal to Humana for denying my claims they returned with a decision to cover the breast cancer but still hold to their original claim that the rib tumors are preexisting. I have been putting in more numerous hours in my second appeal to a third party review board to have that overturned in time to have my scheduled rib surgery on Nov. 6. I have been gathering letters from doctors/surgeons copies of CT scans, addendum to office notes, and a 5 page letter explaining that the offices notes from which their decision has been made are incorrect. It has taken hours again to do this but I think it will be all faxed to Humana tomorrow. Time is short until surgery but I am asking for a expedited decision. Please pray for this for if not approved I will cancel the surgery for now and that could be mean waiting until next March when it will be covered. The doctors all think this is not in my best interest.

This is all I have for now, must go to Tucker and move more stuff! Love to you all for your continued support and care for Kenn and I.

"dog sick and out of toilet paper".......
After yesterday's mail my life has been a country song.

*Humana letter arrived denying rib tumor claims, official now ( this was not a surprise )
*Expect that Nov 6 surgery be postponed until after March when it will be past the 12 months since policy began, no longer pre-existing and Humana will cover it.
*Hospital bills pouring in.
*Letter from Northside Hospital stating that my assistance application approved but finding out that it will not cover half of what I thought it would.
*$24 in bank account, $4 cash, 1/8 tank of gas, and eating beans, beans, and more beans.
*one roll of toilet paper left and my dog is sick.

With the dawn of this Saturday morn and overcast skies with a pounding headache I had lost my "peace" of mind. My "first thing in the morning" times with the Lord have not been consistent this week and I felt it. I hungrily met Him in my "place" with emotions intense and tears ready to spill. I never ask the question "where are You?" but more often "why do my plans have to be changed?".  Lord, I want to have things my way and everything run smoothly––please, no more surprises!

It shames me that money issues and provisions not apparent throw me more than facing death that I experienced three months ago. God has allowed us to be without money for a few days ( just a few days! ) to show me my heart and see that I still have a long way to go in completely trusting Him to provide and to fully yield to his timing and plans for me. I am comforted by this verse today:
Jeremiah 29:11  For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD", plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Today has developed much better––my dear brother deposited funds to cover some immediate needs, my dog is not sick after all, my headache is gone, I found some spaghetti sauce and made a carrot salad, I'm sorting bills and feeling better about the totals and found a box of kleenex just in case the last roll of toilet paper runs out.

I'm yielded to the "plan" and changes and trusting again that my Heavenly Father has my back and knows what is best in the long run. Peace has returned. Thank you, Lord for never forsaking those you own. 

Hebrews 13: 5-6 " Let your conduct be without covetousness, and be content with such things that you have, for he has said, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you," so that we may boldly say, "The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do to me. "

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brief bits..........
The breast cancer is now being covered by Humana and some of the rib tumor claims also. Why some and not all? Ask Humana.

The rib tumors surgery is scheduled for voting day, NOV 6 at 8:30. It will go as planned unless the surgeon coordinator gets a "NO coverage" from Humana. Then I guess it will be after March next year when it would no longer be considered a "pre-existing condition". I don’t expect that to happen but the last 90 days has been chock full of surprises.

I’m feeling very good after the first mastectomy surgery. I’m still not lifting my arm or over 5 lbs––not because it hurts but in order to heal properly. Tomorrow I go to have the first injection of saline into the tissue expander. The drain will not be removed yet. ( the other bit of news about the mastectomy is that I had confirmation that removal of the breast was the right thing––the pathology from the removed tissue showed more cancer was in the breast ).

This last Saturday we had 7 helpers to pack and move lots of our "stuff" into a storage unit.  Huge thanks to all and to Cindi for providing us lunch! We feel very encouraged about the good start on the move that will be completed by the end of October. We are moving to my folks’ place in Marietta for the recovery if you have not already heard in a previous post.

Two fund raisers are in the works. These have been initiated by those who love and support us and are an extension of God’s provision. And we have been given gifts from a few our clients from our cleaning business, several who have continued to pay us for a few months through this ordeal, even though their homes remain just filthy, I’m sure! lol

With no current income and no more reserves we have been dependent on others for bills and out-of-pocket medical expenses. God has met our needs in various ways as I have mentioned above. Our landlord has also contributed to our need in allowing our initial deposit to pay for our last month October’s rent. Thanks Steve!

We are learning about receiving. It is a difficult lesson to learn as we are used to being on our own but the abundant love poured out to us is so very humbling––I’m in awe. Thank you, Lord Jesus.

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not good enough ....
This could apply to several things as I update. In my last post I thought if I was a good enough  patient––but I'm not––that I would have my drain tube removed on Wednesday this last week. It turns out that I shouldn't lift my left arm as well as not lift anything over 5 lbs. The 5 lbs I heard but somehow I misunderstood that I should be keeping my arm to my side. It didn't hurt so I lifted it away. This lifting my arms causes more drainage to occur and as a result the drainage has not slowed enough so the tube won't be removed until sometime next week.
After the mastectomy the pathology report was not good enough to leave the nipple which had been spared. Not only was there cancer in the nipple but more cancer was found in the breast tissue, cancer not removed from the initial lumpectomy. Finding this cancer was such a huge confirmation of my decision to have the mastectomy instead of opting to have another lumpectomy to get "better margins". All cancer is now gone except the nipple which will be removed during the upcoming rib surgery. No big deal. Because Kenn wanted to avoid using the word "nipple" in his latest update on Facebook ( for my privacy ), the update was a little more alarming than necessary and I apologize.
My insurance is currently not good enough to schedule the next surgery for the ribs. Because of the denial of coverage from Humana, my surgery is being put on temporary hold until my appeal is rejected or accepted. Docs say not to worry and I won't as long as this doesn't go on too long. Humana has a 30 day time limit to respond to my appeal––I hope and pray that the appeal is good enough!
My last info was that the ribs surgery would probably be scheduled for the end of October or beginning of November. I don't pay much attention to dates anymore.
My brain has not been good enough to accomplish much during this week of recovery from surgery. The pain med and muscle relaxer have just made my mind cloudy and foggy much of the time. The sleep is great though. Today I have been tapering off to try to regain some mental capability to get this move on with a plan. Our wonderful group of friends, family and church family are standing by to help and we are not even able to tell anyone when to come to help pack or move stuff! Don't lose interest! We will get our act together this weekend and begin putting a plan together and get rolling sometime next week hopefully putting a lot of you volunteers to work––at least get a calendar of work days established.
I do see a plus in the rib surgery being scheduled later. We plan to be out of our current home by the middle to end of October. If the surgery had been in the beginning of October, I think the move would have been so much more difficult. I'll probably being going home from the next surgery to recover in Marietta instead of remaining here in Tucker. It will be good to have the moving part done already and I'll be able to focus completely on my recovery.
So how is this all going to happen really? I'm not good enough nor is Kenn. But God is blessing us with love and help in every step of the way. His provision, guidance in our decisions, leading our steps, giving us peace in the face of fear is what is good enough. God is so very good––good enough for all our needs. Are we good enough to deserve that kind of love, grace and care from him? No, but He even provided what we need to be worthy of that love.

first surgery completed.....
The mastectomy of my left breast went well on Thursday. No complications and pain is managed well with the taking  of my meds on time. The most difficult thing is remembering not to use my left arm to lift anything over 5 lbs. I thought is was 10 lbs. but no - 5 lbs. Everything weights more than 5 lbs! I've been resting with the occasional walk to the kitchen or bath. Solitaire, word search puzzles, sleep, reading, radio, sleep, solitaire, tv, sleep is what my day has been like today. Rest is necessary for quick healing but so hard to do. I want to get up and clean the kitchen, etc.

Northside Hospital was wonderful. The nurses are all so caring and sweet, the private room was updated and large with a place for Kenn to sleep. He spent the night and went home a while the next morning before coming back for me later in the day on Friday.  I had two visitors at the hospital, I appreciated it so much but those visits really benefited Kenn as well. The waiting gets to be long and boring.

We were both tired today and rested all day. Kenn slept as much as I did. Food was delivered by friends yesterday and today and I understand more coming tomorrow. We are so well cared for and loved. Thanks again for all the prayers and support that is coming to us in a multitude of ways.

Post-op appointment is Wednesday and I hope to get the drainage tube out then. If I'm good then it should happen. It is important to limit movement to let the pocket created for the expander and implant to heal correctly. It is not uncommon for this to fail and have to be repeated. I'm being a very good patient.

end of cleaning business? and moving......
Yesterday was our last day of the cleaning business for a while, at least until next year. We will re-evaluate then to know if we will be continuing. It's sad to think of not seeing my cleaning houses and families on a regular basis. Many of our clients are "family" now and I will miss them. They are the best clients in the world and I /we have been so blessed to have had the opportunity to serve them all these years.

Yesterday, the same day that we finished up our business, our car died!!! There was a knocking sound and we went by Tony's, our mechanic, to have him take a look. We are about to throw a rod. He said " yep, it's dead, you may get it home before it locks up". We prayed all the way home and made it. It will sit in the drive until it's future is determined.  We now have three vehicles in our drive that aren't running.  Someone took us to Marietta to get my Dad's car ( thanks Mick ).  Praise God for provision!

We are doing something both necessary and crazy impossible. We are moving to Marietta to my Mom and Dad's house during the month of September and probably into October.  Their home is currently vacant due to them living in an assistant living facility while Dad recovers from open heart surgery. We are MOVING the same 2 months that I'll be having the two surgeries!  We have many folks standing by to help in the move but still there are many things that we have to do for ourselves to prepare and many decisions to make in our down sizing. I have less than a week before my first surgery on Sept 6 to accomplish what I personally need to do for the move.

This relocation is necessary because we are out of money and cannot work for a while. Saving our rent money by being at the folks house will help but our other obligations will continue, such as insurance, food, gas, utilities, storage unit fee, etc. We don't yet know how God will provide but he will, I trust Him more and more. Some of our able and generous clients have offered to continue paying us for various amounts and length of times so that will certainly help greatly over the next couple of months. Did I tell you they were the best clients in the world?!

I did finally mail off the insurance appeal to Humana. It was as long and extensive an appeal as they will ever receive! At least that is my opinion. Also a copy was sent to the Insurance Commissioner's office. Humana is still denying 90% of all claims due to pre-existing conditions. My claims are over $60,000. to date without the upcoming surgeries included! This all since June 4, 2012! I'm hopeful that this will be resolved in my favor.

Although I have been told by the doctors that I will not be able to clean houses for a long time they did say that I would be able to paint very soon. Yeah! That is what I want to do anyway!  This year so far I've only painted some in January and February and then my Dad had his open heart surgery. The next month my medical conditions took over and I've not been able to paint since and now I wonder if I still know how to! lol I do look forward to getting back to the easel.

This is what I believe. God is using our circumstances to direct our paths in new directions. Our circumstances are such that our path becomes narrower and straighter each day. We are now sliding down a very narrow chute and we are in a place to only trust that He is in control. I do! Yesterday with the car dying I just saw that as God just greasing the chute for us. lol The upcoming move is no longer a question but certain guidance. We don't want to leave Tucker but God has something in store that we can't see for now. I'm feeling very good and bless that we have a place to go and a car provided. And it is not like we will be moving that far away!  God is very good.